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Hi I'm Paula Schnackenberg
 ​Coach, Writer, English Teacher, Expat 

Making The Best of Family Holidays Before Teens Leave Home

6/22/2016

11 Comments

 
PictureMaking The Best of Family Vacations
Last weekend I was invited to a neighborhood BBQ.  It was a beautiful, warm Saturday evening, which is not always the case in this north German clime. With cold beers in hand, we chatted about the usual end-of-school-year topic: summer holiday destinations. 

During this conversation I was surprised to learn that most of the other fellow parents at the BBQ 17-year-olds have chosen not to vacation with them anymore.  Party jaunts to Spain with other teens are far more appealing than week-long trips with the parents.   
 

​This is the beginning of the end of family excursions.  Most of the parents took this as a welcome relief.   I didn’t.
 
Just the thought of planning a vacation without my kids leaves me empty, something akin to going on a road trip and forgetting to pack the bags.
 
My husband, Joerg, and I still cherish the time we have to travel as a family.   I’ve enjoyed learning along side my children and viewing the world from their perspective.  We value the opportunities to expose our children to the world of well-known art museums, famous landmarks, musical theater, craggy mountaintops, influential world capitals, and other places where history was made and were wars won and lost.
 
We’ve taught our children that vacationing isn’t all about Disneyland and amusement parks, although we definitely try to mix the fun into the adventure.   For us, traveling is about discovering other cultures and history.
 
A few years ago we did a city tour of Detroit, MI.   As part of the learning experience, decided to show them the run-down, abandoned factories that once made Detroit the richest city in America. 
 
We walked down once wealthy and middle class neighborhoods that now are like ghost towns, decrepit and crime-ridden.  The point demonstrated that when industry fails, so does a whole society.  This was once America at its best, now at its worse.  How can a city recover?  Where do the people go? 
 
The lesson conveyed is that we cannot take our lifestyle, as we know it today, for granted. 
 
We have to be aware that every action has an outcome.  We are responsible for our environment and even making a decision to buy a foreign or domestically produced car has an effect on many people. 
 
We are raising global children.   I feel obliged to educate them in ways textbooks cannot.  My children will be the future decision makers of this world.  I want to teach them well.
 
Don’t misread me.  Last year we soaked up the sun at a beach resort in Greece for two weeks.  Our kids, however, are accustomed to our desire to delve deeper into the cultural treasures that lie beyond the eye of the tourist. 
 
On a scorching hot day on the island of Crete, while most of the Scandinavian tourists baked on the beach, we ventured out to a local winery and olive oil factory.  Not surprisingly we were the only visitors.  (Who else would stuff their kids in an oven-hot rental car to tour around the island?)
 
On our tour, we learned that here is at least one olive tree still living that has been around since the days of Jesus Christ.  That fact alone was worth roasting in the heat.
 
Although our kids don’t ask many questions, they’ve learned to act interested.
 
Do our children get bored and whiney?  Yes, it is part of the package.  I know that they will appreciate it and we are making life-long memories.  I don’t want these days to end any time soon.
 
I have to be realistic.  Next year when our daughter turns 18, she’ll most likely want to do her own thing.  I’ll have to accept it, let her expand her wings, and fly the coop.  
 
My intention is to instill a good mix of curiosity, adventure, and education into our family vacations, providing, as it were, a front row seat to the real world.  My hope is that it will influence future generations to come. 
 
Have a great summer.
 
Over To You
 
Do you have a favorite family holiday memory?  Please share it.  I’d love to hear your story.
 
 
 
 

11 Comments
Urs
6/23/2016 06:19:30 am

Above and beyond the actual ideas and lessons conveyed, vacations spent seeing and learning help children build what Bordieu calls "cultural capital" from their very first days.
Although they might find them excruciatingly boring right now, making these experiences and learning to appreciate will help them interact with certain people later on; people who know just as well as your kids that appreciating culture is just "what you do".

Thus, by forcing this upon your children, you subtly inform the kind of people they will be around later – to their own advantage.

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Paula
6/23/2016 09:35:40 am

Thanks, Urs. My one hope is that one day they will appreciate it.

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Josephine Voon
6/23/2016 01:39:16 pm

My daughters are 24 and 27 and I am also an advocate for family vacations. I enjoyed your article Paula! Spoke to me about the reality of family time becoming less often and harder to coordinate . They are living in another state and working and that makes it triply hard to organize family get together a. However, I am
not alone and it's nothing new. My parents raised me and we had delightful holidays by the seaside even though they couldn't afford to take 7 children on overseas trips.
I tell this to young families. Pursue the family vacations and more importantly 'family time'. When the children have flown their nest, we know by then we have tried our best, they are doing their best and still in the process of learning and growing every day. If they can't come
and spend time with you, dont take it personally. They are excited about their future and looking ahead, they are confident and independent. As parents, our roles are never defined and our lines will always be available to them because we love them. In their hearts, they will always be able to unlock and enjoy the memories shared when they were children. Their hearts will be warmed and delighted and if they have children, the memories will be their heartwarming stories of how it used to be on vacation and spending time as a family with mom and dad.

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Paula
6/23/2016 05:00:02 pm

You hit it on the nail, Jo. Thank you so much for adding to this discussion. Your family is also a global one. I hope that my kids and I will live in the same country as they grow older but I cannot count on it. That is why right now is the right time to keep the family holidays going as long as we can.

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Rose
6/24/2016 08:18:16 am

Thanks for sharing your story Paula. I was so shocked when my eldest (15 years) asked me (just yesterday) if it would be ok for him to stay at home rather than go on a 2 week road-trip holiday with the rest of the family. The answer was absolutely not! Not only are they learning outside and worldly lessons, but true family values too. Families need to be together and to have time when everyone is relaxed and can really talk to each other. It is sad to see how many families don't actually know each other anymore simply because everyone stays in their own room or space with wires hanging from their ears and their eyes are fixed to a screen, 100% disengaged from their own people. We have to raise our kids with proper family values and standards and morals and respect for the world, themselves and each other. Thanks for your story it is good to know that we are not unique in our family rules and regulations.

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Paula
6/25/2016 12:34:18 pm

Thanks for your thoughts, Rose. Some of our best memories and family discussions happen during our holidays. Values are so important and we have only a limited time to teach our kids. Soon they are out of the house. The kids will have time enough when they are older to vacation alone.

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Livia
6/26/2016 02:35:08 am

Well, funny you're writing about this now. I am currently sitting with my family in a hotel room in Cusco, Peru, at 11,000 feet altitude- excited to explore Machu Picchu tomorrow.
I agree with everything you said about raising a globally aware and responsible child. I always traveled with my parents and am thankful for my experiences. Now my hubby and I are passing it on to our child.
Thankfully, our son LOVES traveling and exploring. He always helps us plan our trips, eager to add as many sites and cultures and countries as possible. Hence I'm hopeful he'll travel with us for quite some time still. ;-) Fingers crossed!!

Reply
Paula
6/27/2016 10:44:09 am

Hi Livia,
Great to hear from you while you are holidaying in Peru! Traveling with children is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Your parents taught you well and now you are passing it on. Now that Brexit passed, I changed my plans for Fall holidays from Rome to London. I want my kids to see the before and after affects.

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Christoph Rosenberg
6/26/2016 09:09:03 pm

Very good post, Paula! The trick, I think, is to fund an activity that everyone in the family likes. We tried road trips, city tours, museums, animal farms, even rented a cartel in France. The one family activity that did stick was hut to hut hiking in the Alps. We are doing it again this year and all of the kids (ages 18, 17, and 14) seem to be looking forward to it--some for the workout, some for the Kaiserschmarrn.

Reply
Paula
6/27/2016 10:46:05 am

Hi Christoph,

I know your kids enjoy hiking and I can thank you for taking Jessica along once for a day hike. She still talks about your day hike and even planned on for us. Just goes to show you that the influence doesn't have boundaries.

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Stephanie Froelich
6/26/2016 11:46:16 pm

Paula: I am in complete agreement with this article you wrote. Not having my children around is like having a big hole in my heart. I hope to always go on family vacations, even when they are in college and beyond. I will gladly pay for them and future family members, so that we can have precious time together. We had a beautiful vacation to Tuscany 3 yrs ago and 2 yrs ago to Paris and each time my mother treated us and we got to enjoy time with her. Very precious memories. We also make a point of learning about the cultures, and visiting historic sights wherever we go.

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    ​About Paula

    I'm a professional life coach, teacher, writer, wife, and mother of a bi-lingual & bi-cultural global family.  I try to connect to dots in finding bigger and smaller meaning in life.

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